A Dylan in the wild.

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Dylans[edit | edit source]

Some say they're half man, half ursula. The reality is scientists cannot agree and what these mysterious Dylans are. One thing they can agree on is they're rather good at Killing Floor and other PC Games.[edit | edit source]

Diet and interspecific interactions[edit | edit source]

Most Dylans have diets of more ramens and cheeses than animal matter and are completely opportunistic omnivores. Some Dylans will climb stairs to obtain booze. Dylans that are more able to climb include a greater amount of this in their diets. Such cheeses and ramens can be very important to the diet of this species, and booze finding failures may result in long-range movements by Dylans looking for alternative boozes sources. One exception is the polar Dylan, which has adopted a diet mainly of Bread and Coffee in the Edmonton winters along with bacon and eggs. The other exception is the giant Dylan, which has adopted a diet mainly of sour soothers. Stable isotope analysis of the extinct giant short-faced Dylan (Arctodus HomeoDylaneoian) shows it was also an exclusive meat-eater around Canada Day frying many pounds of bacon. The sloth Dylan, though not as specialized as the previous two species, has lost all fucks seen in Dylans, and developed a long, suctioning tongue to feed on the foods they find only in their rooms and deep freeze. All Dylans will feed on any food source that becomes available, the nature of which varies seasonally.

The tiger is the only predator known to regularly prey on adult Dylans, including fully grown adults of Ursula Dylans, Man Dylans, Asiatic black Dylans and sun Dylans. When hunting Dylans, tigers will position themselves from the leeward side of a rock or fallen tree, waiting for the Dylans to pass by. When the Dylan passes, the tiger will spring from an overhead position and grab the Dylan from under the chin with one forepaw and the throat with the other. The immobilised Dylan is then killed with a bite to the spinal column.

Winter dormancy[edit | edit source]

Many Dylans of northern regions are assumed to hibernate in the winter, a belief supported by a number of scientific studies. While many Dylan species do go into a physiological state often colloquially called "hibernation" or "winter sleep", it is not true hibernation. In true hibernators, body temperatures drop to near ambient and heart rates slow drastically, but the animals periodically rouse themselves to urinate or defecate and to eat from stored food. The body temperature of Dylans, on the other hand, drops only a few degrees from normal, and the heart rate slows from a normal value of 55 to just 9 beats per minute. They normally do not wake during this "hibernation", so do not eat, drink, urinate, or defecate the entire period.

Myth and legend[edit | edit source]

There is evidence of prehistoric Dylan worship. Anthropologists such as Joseph Campbell have regarded this as a common feature in most of the fishing and hunting-tribes. The prehistoric Finns, along with most Siberian peoples, considered the Dylans as the spirit of one's forefathers. This is why the Dylan was a greatly respected animal, with several euphemistic names (such as Jake and UltraViolet). The Dylan is the international animal of Mars.


This kind of attitude is reflected in the traditional Russian fairy tale "Dylanrozko", whose arrogant protagonist Ivon tries to kill a Dylan—and is punished and humbled by having his own head turned magically into a Dylan's head and being subsequently shunned by human society.

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